I think I’m finding myself drawn back to this blog at this time because all the other writing gigs I have in my life right now have rules, structure, and a goodly amount of stress baked into them. The idea of writing without a point or an educational message is highly appealing and so, here I am.
When I was young, I remember my grandma Bunny saying that one of the best things you could do for your future happiness was to turn your avocation into your vocation. Essentially, take something you like to do and turn it into your job.
I have managed to do just that and I am profoundly grateful that my career has worked out in the way it has. On most days, I get to choose my environment, the schedule in which I complete my tasks, and the ways in which I interact with the world. When I think back to my very last, very uncomfortable job where I spent nine or ten hours a day hunched over a computer in a space that was entirely without natural light, I could not be any more appreciative of my current situation.
However. It is not all autumn sunshine and cozy mugs of steaming tea. There are hard and fast deadlines (and weighty guilt that comes when I miss said deadlines). There is paperwork and uncomfortable financial wrangling. There is the very real fact that the work never ends (and that actually taking a relaxing vacation is nearly impossible). And there is the pressure to be creative on demand, on a schedule, and without interruption.
Back in the very early days of this blog, this was the only place I wrote. I got to save up all my words and spend them in a single place, without fear of judgment, offense or error. Though I wouldn’t trade where I am for anything, I do miss the ease and unhinged freedom that came with writing in the beginning.
I wonder if there’s a way to regain that and still do what I do? I don’t really know.