Pondering thirty

The luscious cake that Angie made
They say that a dearth of blogging indicates a full and happy life (and really, isn’t that what we’re all striving for?). That’s certainly been the case in my book, at least when it comes to this site. I have been blogging with some regularity over at Food in Jars, so the internet hasn’t been totally bereft of me (although, somehow I don’t think the internet would even notice if I were to entirely cease my additions to the discourse).

Much has happened in the last few weeks. I turned 30 on May 14th, much to my amazement. It boggles me to think that I’ve been knocking around this life for a full three decades. When I was younger, my grandma Bunny would often comment that her first reaction upon looking at herself in the mirror each morning was surprise. Her initial, fleeting thought was always, “Who is that old lady?” Inside herself, she didn’t feel any different than she had when she was young and so it was jarring to see that each day her outsides were changing while her essence remained the same.

When she’d tell me this as a child, I’d nod my head with great understanding, while thinking her crazy. I knew that I felt older with each passing year. Didn’t every number come with greater freedom and responsibility? Of course your insides changed and aged.

Now I understand what she meant. I look at myself and know that I don’t feel different in any essential way from how I knew myself to be five or six years ago. I know that I’ve adopted more of the trappings of adulthood over the last few years; the home, the possessions, the job, the degrees, the life partner. And yet.

I am not unhappy to be here. In fact, I’m quite pleased to have finally shaken off the uncertainty and struggle that graced my 20’s. I am grateful to be refining my path towards work that I love and I am filled with delight that I am marrying Scott, the guy who was my most wonderful friend, long before I slowly slid into love with him. So I recognize these grown-up things in my life, while noticing that I don’t feel any older. It’s a strange and miraculous thing.

5 thoughts on “Pondering thirty

  1. Erin

    This is a really lovely post Marisa. I hope that I can maintain (or develop) even a fraction of your clarity and optimism about my turning 30 event next year. I’m a bit doubtful though as I’ve been dreading turning 29 next week for about a year. Ha…oh dear.

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  2. Holly

    Happy belated birthday! And I totally feel you on “the struggle that graced your 20’s” —and of course, 40s the new 30 and all that crap 🙂

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  3. Laura

    This is a wonderful post. I turned 30 last year and it didn’t really phase me for all the reasons that you said. As I’m approaching 31 though, I feel like life has become a little static and I’m wondering what the “next” is. Career, check. Good marriage, check. House, check. Kid- don’t even know if we’re going there! I’ve been working on trying to be more mindful and revel in the now but that’s much easier said than done! Again, great post. Thanks for sharing and yes- we would notice if you disappeared from the blogosphere.

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  4. Diane

    And when you are in your sixties, you will still feel the same. I am who I was at 11 — that seems to be the age when I became the person I am now. Growing older is a never-ending series of surprises — some good and some mind-boggling. Some are even very funny. It definitely gets easier along the way though, so take heart! I think its also easier to be happy as each year passes. Happy Birthday, belatedly!

    Has a wedding day been set?

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