So, I’m feeling kind of down. This isn’t how I want to be, but I’m not entirely sure how to make it go away.
I’m having a little disappointment about the new job. It’s really feeling like I made a lateral move, not the step up that I was going for. Maybe this is the way I’m supposed to feel in the first week, when I don’t have much responsibility besides changing minutia on a draft website, copying and pasting inquiry emails into word documents and sending expense reports to the right person. But I guess I was hoping for more, and that more isn’t readily apparent yet. I felt so hopeful about this opportunity before it started, and right now I’m not feeling anything but deflation.
I have a killer sore throat, but I mentioned that yesterday, no use in repeating, when I’ve got all sorts of other wonderful things to complain about.
I’m feeling pretty discouraged by the whole dating thing these days. I don’t reallly have anthing to say about this that hasn’t been said 101 times before on 87 blogs by writers better than I. Not to mention the books, moves, tv shows and magazine articles that beaten the dating and love topic to death. I know all the stuff about how you have to surrender to it. That when you finally stopping caring, that’s when you’ll meet someone. But I gotta say, I’m so far away from not caring, I’m not sure if I’ll ever get there. Personally, I think that the people who say that they really don’t care are full of shit. I’m tired of the dating and discomfort. I’m want ease, intimacy and familiarity. It’s been over a year since I’ve had it, and I really miss it.
Lastly, I’m sad that I’m missing my sister’s CD release party next weekend. Check out www.rainarose.com for the scoop on “Despite the Crushing Weight of Gravity.”
I don’t wish to invalidate your feelings of disappointment, rather I’d like to offer words of encouragement… you obviously have a vision of what your job “should” be like. Don’t let it disappear, instead keep hold of it as a goal for yourself. You control your job to a degree, and you should mold it (slowly? quickly? depends on you, your situation, and your supervisor) toward your goal. Once (not IF) you get there, you are ready for the next step: redefining your job in terms of larger responsibility and reach. At that time, it’s just a goal again, and you get to work toward the new one 🙂
That’s how I view my job, it’s a constant back and forth, some compromise, but if I keep my goal in sight, I will get there and I will relish the challenges which brought me there.
E.g. do I want to deal with troublesome faculty? Not particularly. But I have a goal: improve my interactions with them so they don’t bog me down. I learn from others who, because of my questioning or explaining my situation, help me to figure out new ways of interacting. Eventually, the culprits will still be troublesome but it won’t bother me.
I do hope you are able to see how far you’ve come along, what wonderful traits, skills, and abilities you have in store, and the endless possibilities waiting for your imagination to capture and claim as your own.
P.S. Hopefully some of that will apply to your views on relationships as well 🙂 It does for me.