I got up this morning at 6:30 am, after only about six hours of sleep, to pick my friend Seth up and take him to the airport. I’ve mostly worked off the karmic debt I accrued by forgetting him a couple of times when I had promised an airport pick up or drop off, these days we have a nice airport travel relationship where I take him when he needs it and he does the same for me.
When I got back home I briefly looked at the newspaper and my email before tumbling back into bed for a couple of hours. In the two hours I slept, I had a series of three dreams. In each, I was in a relationship with a different man. I couldn’t tell how long the relationships had been in existence, I just kept dropping into different scenes with each of the guys, experiencing the love or frustration or anger or detachment that the me in each of those realities was feeling at the time. I woke up to a ringing phone at the end of the third dream, relieved to be released from the rollercoaster of emotions and a little confused about how much time had passed.
It was a strange experience, because it felt so real. It’s odd to feel in some way connected to distinct personalities that I’ve never met embodied in my conscious reality. I’d like to think that had I known those men during my waking life, I never would have permitted myself to be involved with them, because in each of the dream scenarios, I was in some way mistreated. None of them were bad, they just were tuned to prey upon one or more of my insecurities, almost as if to show me what I still need to work on. It was as if I was moving through relationships that only had the potential to exist if I allowed my mostly-dorment feelings of insufficiency, which I am always trying to love out of existence, run the show.
It was in some ways like this half-dream I had a while back. The subconscious is such an amazing thing.
“I got up this morning at 6:30 am, after only about six hours of sleep…”
Only six hours? Must be nice to be able to say that 😉
But seriously, you’re all about the dating insights today. I noticed the line about the your dream dates (how’s that for a twisted descriptor?) not being bad, but just “tuned to prey on” your insecurities. That seems like something most of us do if we’re not careful.
Howard is right, we do look for a spot to attack and go in for the kill, even when we do not realize we are doing it
Sorry for bothering you, but I read a couple of your entries and I think it’s great that you are able to write so freely about what’s happening in your life. Hell I can rarely remember a thought that I had 5 minutes ago. I somehow ended up on your website and just found myself reading and reading. If writing makes you happy, go for it, too many people let things go because it’s not popular. You can’t go wrong doing what you enjoy.
And thank you for taking friend Seth to the aeropuerto because now I have 2 UU pals in Philly. I had a blast meeting him in SD and I was credible because I knew you!
It must be cool to have dated 3 guys in 120 minutes.