In the two weeks since Scott and I returned from our honeymoon, I’ve been feeling a little lost. For so many months, my energy and focus was directed towards making everything come together for September 26th that once the day was past, I felt a little uncertain, directionless. I realize that this is a common feeling for newly married women who put lots of energy into their weddings, but I somehow I thought that since ours was a small wedding, I’d be able to avoid the post-nuptial blues. I was wrong.
The way it manifested for me was through feelings of hopelessness. I began to feel like this basket in which I put so many of my career hopes, the one labeled food writer/teacher, was so very, very misguided. Watching all the other food writers and bloggers out there, I questioned what exactly it was that I brought to the table. I couldn’t remember why I had once felt that I had anything to offer and started to nurture a belief that I was shamefully out of my league.
Last Thursday, I went to a chocolate, wine and cheese tasting put on by The Food Trust, and for a while, that experience buoyed me. I talked about food, canning and issues around the way we eat and for awhile, I shed the hopelessness and reconnected with my excitement. But in the last few days, it’s slipped away again (admittedly, a really miserable 4-day jury duty experience this week didn’t help things).
I realize that I’m going to get through these feelings. And I know (at least, most of the time) that in the world of food writing, I bring a number of really wonderful things to the table. However, I also recognize that in this era of closing magazines and newspapers, the options for people who want to deal with food and words in equal measure are scant. Beyond that, I just don’t know.
What do the rest of you do when you find yourselves in a place like this?