Back at the beginning of January, someone told me that they could feel that there were some significant changes on the horizon for me. I grabbed ahold of those words like they were a delicious treat and kept them close by, for those moments when my discontentedness threatened to overwhelm me. I had a good idea in mind of what I wanted to those changes to be and didn’t want to conceive of the possibility that some other way might come to pass.

However, in the way that things most often work out, I didn’t predict the change that’s coming for me and it wasn’t along the path that I was hoping. Instead of finding myself closer to a full-time freelance career, I’ll be stepping down as the lead blogger at Slashfood at the end of this month. It’s not a demotion, I haven’t offended anyone with my posts about luscious food pictures or recipes for linguine. AOL has simply decided to alter the leadership framework of a few of their blogs, Slashfood included, and my skill-set and geographic location no longer fit the bill.

I was sad when I first found out, although as the days have passed, I’ve started to feel a good bit of relief in being released from the drudgery of daily, weekly and monthly reports and numbers. I’ve already starting doing some writing elsewhere and I’m looking at this particular change as one that will lead to more opportunities as opposed to less.

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Time for more Fork You (Scott’s really churning them out these days – they’ll be another up next week!). This one is a favorite of mine, because I’m a huge fan of homemade jam and pickles. There’s something lovely about making these things yourself instead of simply picking them up at the store and during the peak of summer (something I’m longing for at the moment) it’s so easy to put them together. When you’re in the midst of winter, there’s nothing better than having the ability to open up a jar full of summer (it’s all that’s keeping me going through these 27 degree days and 19 degree nights).

In other Fork You news, I never did post about the episode we filmed last fall with Scott Grzybek of Zukay. In Fork You: Ferment Everything, we make a fermented apple/pear condiment, sauerkraut and pickled daikon radish. All delicious!

I spent the last couple of days out in California, on my very first press trip. It was sponsored by Sunkist and was intended to offer up a whole mess of good information about the wonders of lemons (Which it did. I’ve been totally brainwashed to the virtues of lemons and even managed to smuggle a few handpicked specimins back to Philly in my suitcase).

We stayed at the Ojai Valley Inn & Spa, which was (oddly enough) located next door to a boarding school at which I attended summer camp when I was 15. The first day I was there, I spotted Bill Paxton having lunch with his kids. I tried not to be too starstruck, although I was dying to take a picture and tell him how much I enjoy Big Love. The Inn was absolutely beautiful and there were moments while I was there that I truly struggled to remember why people live outside of California.

At the moment, I’m quite silly with exhaustion, but I’ll be writing more about the experience of touring the lemon groves and learning about the many uses for lemons both here and over at Slashfood very, very soon.

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The latest episode of Fork You Live is edited and ready for your hungry eyes! I was happy that we were able to sneak another installment in before the year turned over. The recipes aren’t posted to the Fork You site yet, but I will get them up over the weekend (the Napa Cabbage Slaw we make in that episode is particularly tasty dish).

Additionally, for those of you in the Philly area, we’ll be at Foster’s (399 Market Street) tomorrow at 2 pm, recording in front of a live audience. We’re making oven-roasted salmon, braised kale and an orange-y couscous salad. As always, the eats will be delicious and tastes will be free.

Most years, I do a sort internal battle with resolutions. On one hand, I’m a bit disdainful of the idea that there’s one time of year that is better than any other on which to determine to change your life. But the other side of that coin appeals to me, the one that offers a fresh year upon which to etch new habits and ways of being in the world. So, while I haven’t done a year-in-review, gazing at my navel post yet, I’m going to skip over it for now in order to lay out some of my hopes for this new year. Because the freshness of the cosmic page is too much to resist.

• This year, I want to clean all the unused condiments out of the fridge, so that I don’t have aging sample jars of jam and mustard taking up valuable real estate. The same goes for the bottles of oils, vinegars and exotic flours that are cluttering up my kitchen shelves. It seems that no matter how much space I have, I always end up filling it, until the counter is swimming with bags, jars and bottles. It drives me nuts and I want clearer spaces!
• The need for clearer spaces extends to most areas of my life. I need to clean out the sock drawers, the piles of cookbooks and tee-shirts that are only appropriate for exercise.
• Speaking of exercise, that’s something I’d like to bring back into my regular routine. I have dreams of once again running the Broad Street Run. It’s been four years since I’ve done it, but it gave me such satisfaction when I accomplished it.
• I declare that this is the year of finding contentment in the place that I am, as opposed to the place I want to be. I am often highly critical of my life, focusing on all the little spots of unhappiness as opposed the the large swaths of delight and joy that make my existence sparkle. I want to bring the joy into focus more often.
• On a more technical level, I think this year will be the time when I finally learn to use my camera with some level of technical proficiency, as opposed to just pointing it as stuff and hoping for the best. I have such admiration for my friends who make lovely images and I would love to learn how to do one tenth of what they’re able.
• Finally, I want this year to be the year I publish a book. It makes me sort of nervous to declare that goal to the world, because what if I fail? However, I’m a big believer in the power of declaration and sharing hopes with others, so that are mutual energy of creation might help bring those hopes into tangible relief.

With all that said, I’m declaring 2009 the year of awareness, of learning, of less stuff and of the increased ability float on the tide of life.

In the past, when I’ve gone home to Portland, I’ve had the opportunity to while away hour upon hour, gazing at the internet on my trusty laptop, thanks to my parents’ abundant wireless connection. However, in November, my parents moved to a new house and set themselves up with an internet system that works perfectly for their stationary PC’s but doesn’t permit my loyal MacBook a pathway to the World Wide Web. So the week I spent at their place was far less connected than I am typically accustomed and personal blogging did not happen (I still managed to squeak out a few Slashfood posts).

Despite the dearth of internet, I had a wonderful time while in Portland. There was an unprecedented amount of snow on the ground, the most the city has seen since the winter of 1968 and so many of my plans for fun outings and shopping trips were curtailed (Bob’s Red Mill, I’ll just have to get out to your store next time).

My sister rolled into town on December 23rd, driving up from Shasta the day before another huge storm hit. Church was cancelled on Christmas Eve because of the snow and so we stayed at home and sang Christmas carols together instead. Here’s a little video clip of Raina and Mo singing Blue Christmas (with some back-up from my mom in the kitchen).

So Scott and I got engaged tonight. It wasn’t a surprise for me, because I designed the ring and I’ve never been particularly good with surprises. We made it official in the courtyard at City Hall, in the glow of the Christmas lights. Despite the lack of proposal ambush, we are both still totally delighted.

I’ve never been a girl who has dreamed about what her wedding was going to be like, but I’ve always been excited about the prospect of the engagement ring (what can I say, I like jewelry). What I finally decided to go with is the ring(s) you see above. I was inspired by this ring on Etsy and really liked the idea of a set of stacking rings for the engagement/wedding situation. However, the way it’s turned out, I’m wondering if it wouldn’t just be better to use the second ring with the two diamonds as the wedding band. For the time being, I’m wearing both of them together, to see if I can’t make this dream of a two-part engagement ring a reality.

One of the cooler parts of the ring(s) is that the diamonds all belonged to my grandmother. She was something of a jewelry collector and so the smaller diamonds were once a pair of small stud earrings and the larger diamond is one half of another pair of diamond earrings that my grandfather bought her about 25 years ago. It’s nice to know that she had some part in this very significant jewelry. I know she would have loved these rings.

Sunday afternoon, my cousin Melissa called from Los Angeles to check in. Within the first couple minutes of our conversation, she said, “You know, I used to feel so in touch with your life because of your blog. But you hardly update anymore.” What she said is true, I’m not writing here as much as I used to. That is mostly because I spend so much of my life writing these days (my past selves would be so thrilled to know that this particular reality was forthcoming, especially in the days when I was desperate to find a way to escape administrative drudgery and support myself via the written word). So here’s an update of what’s been happening, written early enough in the day that I’m not yet weary of the computer screen.

Scott and I got a Christmas tree about a week and a half ago. It’s the first Christmas tree I’ve had as an independent adult and it’s been a fun thing to put together. There were some initial tensions when we first were stringing lights, and Scott had accused me of being a little bossy when it comes to ornament placement (which is probably an accurate accusation), but once we got over those initial bumps, the tree has been a delightful thing. I’ve also enjoyed getting to use all the vintage glass ornaments I cherry picked from Walla Walla thrift stores during college, as well as the ones that my mom would give me each year.

For those of you starting families, giving your children an ornament a year is a wonderful tradition to start. From the time we were babies, my mom gave my sister and me an ornament each year, with the plan in mind that by the time we were adults, we’d have enough to decorate our own trees. As kids, we loved seeing our boxes of baubles each December (if you’re doing this for multiple kids and you get them matching ornaments, make sure to discreetly mark them so that there’s no fighting about which belongs to whom. Many of mine have tiny ‘M’s’ inscribed on hidden spots with black sharpie). However, I don’t think that she imagined it would take me until my 29th year for me to get my own tree.

If you’re interested, you can see more pictures of the tree here.

Scott and I already exchanged Christmas presents this year. We’re not going to be together on December 25th (I leave for Portland on December 21st and he heads to Virginia to be with his mom on the 24th) and neither of us is particularly good at waiting. He gave me a very spiffy, super wide angle lens for my camera that took the picture you see above. For so long, I’ve primarily lived with a fixed width 50 mm lens on my camera, so the amount of the world I can now see through this new lens is jarringly awesome. I got him a watch, so that when I ask him what time it is, he won’t just offer me a bare wrist (it wasn’t an entirely selfish move, as it was also what he asked for).

Speaking of Scott and me, we celebrated our one year anniversary last week. We’ve now been friends for three and a half years and together as something far more than friends for a year. It’s been a really good year. I will be forever grateful that we made the leap from friendship to partnership.

In other news, I’ve been blogging like a cooking/writing machine over at Slashfood. For December, I’m doing a feature in which I post a recipe for an edible gift every day of the month. Half way through the month, I’ve only missed one day (I have never claimed to be perfect). Yesterday, I posted a recipe for some Spicy Sweet Roasted Nuts that uses butter, maple syrup, rosemary and cayenne to create a highly addictive, giftable snack. Some of my other favorites so far this month have been my dad’s Pancake Mix, Lemon Curd (inspired by gifts my cousin Lolly used to send out) and Rosemary Scented Salt (cause it’s easy).

That’s essentially the current round up. I’m looking forward to my week in Portland, despite the fact that neither Bonnie (the dog) nor Dinky (the cat) are there to greet me anymore. My mom and I have big plans to hit The Bins (Goodwill Outlet Store) and the Bob’s Red Mill Store and I’m hoping to finish a few books.

How’s everyone else doing these days?

I had grand plans to head into December well-rested and ready to take on the balance of 2008 with energy and motivation. Instead, on Sunday evening, my head started to fill up with goo and I spent most of the week in a cold-induced fog. Thanksfully, my ability to breathe through my nose returned this morning, along with my sense of smell and an expanded capacity to recognize. My oatmeal tasted like oatmeal today, which was a huge improvement over the papier mâché I choked down yesterday. Sadly, the raisins continue to register as slightly metallic.

One of the things that came up for me (in a emotional sense) during this cold, was the amount of guilt I have around being sick and missing obligations. When I was growing up, I often pretended to be sick in order to have a break from the social demands and discomfort of elementary and middle school. My parents knew that most of my colds, sore throats and upset stomachs were the result of my insecurity and propensity to be the most picked-on kid in the class and so they allowed me the bulk of my “sick” days. However, despite a talent for convincing my body to be sick on cue, I knew that staying out of the classroom wasn’t entirely necessary and so I carried around a little bit of guit about it.

As the years went on, school started to get better and I found I didn’t need to stay away like I had before. However, that sense of guilt about staying home when sick (even when I really and truly was ill) stuck with me. I’ve found in recent years that I’ve felt a need to be given permission to be sick, dragging myself into jobs when I’m near-catatonic in the hopes that someone else will recognize my ailment and say, “Oh you poor girl. You should go home and take care of yourself.” I needed permission from an outside party to be sick and take care of myself.

I’m beyond the worst of that now. I recognize when I’m sick and I do everyone I work with a favor by staying home (no one wants Typhoid Marisa sitting next to them in a poorly ventilated office). However, traces of that guilt still remain and they cropped up like a mofo this time around, despite the fact that I could hardly breathe and my brain ceased functioning sometime Sunday night, only picking back up around 3 pm yesterday afternoon.

I don’t have a solution to this issue (although I do believe that it goes hand in hand with my feeling that I’m never working hard enough or doing a good enough job at my place of employment), but like most juicy internal hang-ups, recognition is always the first step, so I’m putting it out there. Does anyone else react like this when they’re sick? How have you dealt with it?

Yesterday, I hosted Thanksgiving for the second time in my life. The first was several years ago, when all my Philly family decamped for the Columbia River Gorge. This year, needing to take Scott and his mom into the equation, we planned for a small dinner at our place on Thanksgiving, with a larger family follow up on Saturday at my cousins’ in the suburbs.

Being that I enjoy cooking, handling the bulk of the Thanksgiving meal was a pleasure for me. I’ve prepared this same meal in tandem with my parents many times and so it was really fun to take that knowledge and be the primary one to stuff and roast the turkey. Scott helped me with the actual stuffing of the bird, and I have to admit that I got a little frustrated with him when 1. He wasn’t able to anticipate my every move (the nerve!) and 2. When my plans for how to close the stuffing into the turkey cavity didn’t work out as I wanted at first. Thankfully, he was fully prepared for the fact that I was going to yell at him at least once during the day and so didn’t hold my momentary frustration against me. It helped that I also apologized a little later in the day (and made a special batch of stuffing that had no mushrooms in it, just for him).

Dinner was really lovely, with the perfect combination of chaos and order. Scott’s mom Joan chopped potatoes, later Jean spent a good half hour pushing them through the ricer and Dan did a skillful job of carving the turkey while I ran around and put the finishing touches on the veggies (roasted brussels sprouts and peas and carrots). It was really fun to have both the kids there, Derek was entertaining and personable, while three month old Juliet was totally mellow and good-natured.

Best of all, I now don’t have to cook for days, as I have plenty of leftovers.