I think I’m losing my ability to be resilient. While I’ve never been the most flexible person on the planet (emotionally, at least), I feel like I used to bounce back from the unexpected more quickly. For unknown reasons, it’s been a lot harder lately.
Something happened this morning that has me pondering my ability to deal with matters I cannot control (don’t worry, you’ll laugh in moment when I reveal how minor it was).
Once a year, our apartment building sends members of the maintenance team into our apartments to vacuum the filters in the air conditioners, clean behind refrigerators, and generally ensure that no one has descended into squalor over the course of 12 months.
About a week ago, we had a notice stuck in our front door (they don’t do technology around these parts, so this is the manner in which all things are communicated here) saying that our apartment was scheduled for September 25. It gave a time range, which I thought said between 9 am and 4 pm.
Last night, Scott and I talked about how we had to make sure we were up and showered before 9 am, in case they decided to start with our unit (we are not early risers). He got up around 8:15 and 20 minutes later, it was my turn for the shower. I got out of bed, headed for the bathroom and was standing in the bathroom doorway when I realized that the maintenance guys were in the living room. And they were looking at me, standing in the bathroom doorway, in my pajamas.
We hadn’t heard them knock and thanks to a recent hallway renovation, we don’t have doorbells anymore. There hadn’t been a phone call letting us know that they were coming in. And apparently, they were starting at 8:30, not 9.
It threw me. I felt intruded upon, exposed, and embarrassed (my pajamas consist of a tank top and underwear). I did some minor disgruntled yelling at the maintenance guys in the moments immediately after it happened and then apologized as they were leaving (because as Scott pointed out, they were just doing their job). But still, I haven’t quite been able to let it go.
I went down to the office and told the management what had happened and that I was upset. However, when stuff like this happens to me, my emotions hover right up next to the surface. So my voice shook and I had to fight back tears. I end up seeming like a sloppy, weepy girl.
All day long, it’s left me feeling shitty and not at all like a person who can bounce back from the unexpected.