Lately I’ve been inspired to stick my toe back into the world of internet dating. As with many of my generation, I am not a novice when it comes to meeting people online. I found the first guy I ever really loved via match.com, so I have a certain fondness for the medium. As I read through profiles, and look at pictures, I’m not entirely certain that what I’m looking for is out there. Everyone seems to be looking for romance and magic, and while that all seems nice, it’s just not my thing.
Give me a man who will look up at me and grin, with love in his eyes when I let out a really resonant burp. Who will happily eat the leftovers. Who will take me seriously when I say that goldfish creep the shit out of me. Who will let me read the comics first on Sunday morning. Who will help me take care of my parents as they age, knowing full well that I will put as much effort and energy into his.
When my mom was growing up, her father bought toilet paper and light bulbs in bulk each month and had them delivered to the house. He did this because he knew it was awkward for my grandmother to bring them home with the weekly food shopping. I find this to be the deeply sweet. These days my idea of a romantic gesture would be for the guy I’m with to chase down our dog (who currently exists only in my imagination) on January 2nd with a tissue, and remove the tinsel enrobed nugget of shit that is hanging out of her ass. This is why we don’t use tinsel.