It is Monday, August 28th, 2006. I’ve been anticipating today all summer and now that’s it’s here, I’m not entirely sure what to do with it. When I got my new calendar back in June, it was this date that I flipped to first, before family birthdays and upcoming social commitments, in order to carefully pencil in, “MA program at St. Joe’s starts.” Back then, I hadn’t heard for sure that I was in the program, but I wrote it down anyway, just in case. Just over a month ago, when I found out that I had been accepted, I opened up the calendar (which was already showing every day of that month’s worth of age) and went over my original penciled words with black ink.
I start classes tonight. I have a fresh, clean notebook in my bag, and I’ve spent more minutes that is respectable picking out which pens to bring with me. I met a few classmates yesterday afternoon at a meet and greet for the department, but my memory has already mangled their faces and names.
Right now I’m feeling a bit blank, but I’ve rolled through nervous and near-catatonically freaked today. I’m expecting to hit excited soon, possibly while in the car on the way over there and I’m looking forward hopefully to feeling of clicking and an internal ‘yes’ either during or after class. Occasionally I’ve been able to push all those noisy, chaotic emotions to the side in order to find the one that started all this, the one that told me I had to change or go crazy. And it is feeling very proud.