I got up this morning at 6:30 am, after only about six hours of sleep, to pick my friend Seth up and take him to the airport. I’ve mostly worked off the karmic debt I accrued by forgetting him a couple of times when I had promised an airport pick up or drop off, these days we have a nice airport travel relationship where I take him when he needs it and he does the same for me.
When I got back home I briefly looked at the newspaper and my email before tumbling back into bed for a couple of hours. In the two hours I slept, I had a series of three dreams. In each, I was in a relationship with a different man. I couldn’t tell how long the relationships had been in existence, I just kept dropping into different scenes with each of the guys, experiencing the love or frustration or anger or detachment that the me in each of those realities was feeling at the time. I woke up to a ringing phone at the end of the third dream, relieved to be released from the rollercoaster of emotions and a little confused about how much time had passed.
It was a strange experience, because it felt so real. It’s odd to feel in some way connected to distinct personalities that I’ve never met embodied in my conscious reality. I’d like to think that had I known those men during my waking life, I never would have permitted myself to be involved with them, because in each of the dream scenarios, I was in some way mistreated. None of them were bad, they just were tuned to prey upon one or more of my insecurities, almost as if to show me what I still need to work on. It was as if I was moving through relationships that only had the potential to exist if I allowed my mostly-dorment feelings of insufficiency, which I am always trying to love out of existence, run the show.
It was in some ways like this half-dream I had a while back. The subconscious is such an amazing thing.